A few days ago I received vital feedback from my editor, which felt more like he took his hands, opened my chest cavity and looked straight inside my soul.

The creative process mirrors life.

A common quote that I resist with every fiber of my being is: How you do one thing is how you do everything.

I resist it because it’s true and I’m obviously thinking of my demons when I say that sounds like a load of horse manure. But it’s so true. So very true.

As a new favorite author of mine Austin Kleon said, the things we care about contribute to our art-making process. How I fill my time all feeds into what will later become my work. Makes sense if something shows up in my personal life, it will inevitably pop up in my work.

I’ll share the feedback I got because I think (*hope*) I’m not the only one who can stand to benefit from these helpful tips on making writing that is more honest, authentic and connected.

Good advice for authors writing a memoir (both fiction and non-fiction)

Stay focused

There gets to be one main plot. Whether you’re writing fiction or non-fiction (in my case non-fiction memoir essays), stick to your story. This isn’t Survivor. Do you remember that show? Each episode they took us on a tangent of such preposterous proportions only to abandon the whole storyline altogether. It’s a f*cking mess. Don’t do it. And this advice goes out to me as much anyone else. It can feel difficult to remain on-topic because life is messy. When I write about one character, scene or story, it often does open a can of complex worms that I want to explore. Don’t go down the rabbit hole. Stick to the main plot.

Remain consistent with your tenses

This is the bane of my existence. Tenses haunt my life. But it’s important I nail this one because I don’t want to drive my readers mad wondering what the hell kind of time machine i’m taking them through.

Choose only one tense. Preferably the first because the reader can feel like they’re right there with you in the action NOW as it’s happening.

Commit to letting us BE in your shoes

Oh this one also hurts my heart. The fear of being seen and letting people in. It’s a thing, for me, that is.

Don’t think it’s a thing for you? Let me show you how we are wired by society to deflect. Ever find yourself telling a story of something that happened to you and then of all of a sudden you switch from first person to third? It goes something like this:

“God, and then he told me I would never have what it takes. I mean, what the hell right? You get discouraged with that kind of talk. You just feel, you know, run right into the ground.”

See that–– how an “I” became a “you” real quick when sh*t got real? Our deflection can also show up as a “we.” This is how we stop telling our story and group a personal experience into the collective to avoid being seen. It happens on that micro level and can often show up in the work, as it did for me.

I tend to switch into the “you” or “we” and then hide behind a summary versus bringing my reader into the scene. The reader wants to know what i’m thinking, who is in front of me, why this is important, what they smell like, did we have history, is he coming in too close, etc. They do not want to read some summarized paragraph written all like, “Losing someone you love is gut wrenching. You feel as if a little piece of your heart is gone forever.” When WHO feels? Take us there! Yes, I am yelling this at myself.