She runs into the bathroom, shuts the door and takes out her iPhone to text that guy. The one guy she messages when she needs to feel better. Sometimes she can’t tell if bad things happen and she finds him, or if she makes the bad things happen so she can run to him. Their dependent relationship has spiraled so beyond her control she can’t tell the difference. This isn’t what she’s thinking of as she looks down at her phone though, she is waiting in exasperation to see those three little digital dots that let her know he got her message and he cares. It seems to take an eternity, but finally they come.

This is my interpretation of the first scene in Sleeping with other people. And man, did it take me back. This movie touches on some of the most vulnerable places of desire, dating and sex. Even if just for a second, couldn’t you see yourself in that stall?

Watching films has always been a source of inspiration for me, and this one took me back to some of the key lessons I learned from being single. Although it’s a useless exercise and borderline masochistic, sometimes I like to play the game: If I knew then what I know now.

 

Quit The Self Sabotage

I’d rather be the bad guy than tell the truth.

I get it, but then again I’m psychotic.

Yes, but approachable psychotic.

How good is this? The art of self sabotage is a theme that plays in so many of our own lives, myself included. We can all relate to this! Why oh why are we ruining it for ourselves?

Ultimately, we create everything in our lives, including how people treat us. I’d argue every bad decision can be traced back to sabotaging yourself. Know you are worth so much… and act like it.

 

Learn How To Talk To People… IRL

I do have HPV though and I hope it’s the kind that gives your dick cancer.

This is my favorite line in a string of text message conversations masterfully displayed in this movie. I mean, common, how could you not laugh? This particular text is from a girl stalking the main character. It’s exaggerated but poignant in its representation of the lengths some people will go to in order to be acknowledged.

Text message communication has its own rules and nuances and for better or worse, it is a monumental part of communication in modern relationships–– especially at the beginning of romantic ones. Text messaging can be just as important as some conversations had in person, which feels strange to admit.

However, be the person who pushes for connection anyway. Call. Talk in person. Meet in real life. Text banter is cute, but it’s a bonus. It won’t give you the real connection you deserve.

 

Define Your Relationship

When you hang with a guy and do all the boyfriend things except the most important one.

We’re not a couple but we act like one. It’s the oldest story in romantic comedy and it’s obvious to everyone on the outside where this is all heading. There’s a reason why so many movies and stories are based on this cliché. Because we are asshole humans who can’t see what’s going on right in front of our noses. We are scared of our own feelings and habitually run away from the good things trying to make their way into our lives. But movies, like Sleeping with other people show us, there’s hope for our complicated souls yet.

Don’t be that dumbass. If you have the perfect person right before your eyes, go for it. Be open and take a leap of faith. Expect good things and show up accordingly.