Hint: it’s not the matching vintage Dolphins jackets.

Monotony is something inevitable in relationships, isn’t it? We meet our lovers, there’s a period of excitement, then comes stability. This is the natural order of things. The progression all our healthy relationships take. It’s good, we want to feel safe. And yet, if we’re being honest, isn’t part of committing to someone forever kind of boring at some points?

It’s not that they’re boring. Neither are you, of course. But inevitably there are moments where you’ve told all your good stories, there’s nothing necessarily new to discover together… or is there?

I don’t know what compelled me to do this, but years ago on one of our repeat vacations to Key West. It’s our favorite place on earth and we used to visit often when we were Miami residents. Anyway, there we were having land sharks and raw oysters (our favorite) with a view for miles of flat, blue water. And, well, not much conversation to have.

I googled, “questions to ask on a first date.” But, Cris, this isn’t a first date? And you’d be right to ask me that. I’m not exactly sure why I did it, but I did. And it was one of the best decisions I ever made. At first, Jaime felt a bit awkward, like… are you really asking me random questions? But soon, something happened.

Between the beers and the flowing oysters (we ordered three dozen!), the questions— even the obvious or goofy ones — unlocked something. It led to new stories and interesting perspectives we wouldn’t have otherwise shared. We laughed and learned new things about each other, even 4 years into being together. I stumbled upon a secret… a secret to a happy marriage. 

In my experience, the unavoidable monotony of monogamy can put a strain on couples. As life’s burdens and responsibilities compound, it’s so easy to forget to see this person with fresh eyes. In fact, it can make life harder when you lose the ability to like someone. We get so comfortable saying I love you as an after thought, but what about the intoxicating and joyful energy of liking someone?

“I like you,” he told me after we paid our bill and walked to our next destination. Bloody Maries in a little island shack we saw earlier on our walk. And you know what? It felt different. Like a crush. I felt the familiar butterflies of that early infatuation stage…

“I like you too,” I replied smiling.

From then on, I’ve searched countless questions and bought question games online. We play all the time and it’s fun. It’s our little secret to a happy marriage.

 

What about you? Any secrets to a happy marriage? I’d love to hear them…

 

Ps. If you liked this post, you may like my memior, Embrace That Girl.

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