This week, I heard A Beautiful Mess podcast which was about evaluating 2021 as it winds down in order to see what worked, what didn’t and what I get to add in 2022.
So I did a full outline, which I haven’t done since 2018 (a crazy good year). It’s so easy to forget everything that happened. Here’s my mixed bag of a year. It was a BIG one for growth and two amazing things happened, but the in between months were largely uncomfortable and at times sad. That’s okay, like I said in my post about making 2021 count, we can all still finish the year strong regardless of what it looked like.
Step 1: make a timeline
According to the podcast, we first do a little timeline of the year to remember… so here’s mine.
Evaluating 2021 goals & looking ahead
January: The year begins with optimism… it’s not 2020, which already makes it good. We’re making some fun videos for our YouTube channel and dreaming. Yay.
February: BIG crashing halt. I learn my OB has not listened to my concerns. I’m worried I still haven’t gotten pregnant. I do a complete overhaul of my healthcare and revamp how I participate (I become a leader and advocate for myself). It’s hard. There’s a lot of crying and sad, dark days.
March: Still in the thick of fertility research, appointments, tests. All comes out okay, so the question presses: then why aren’t we pregnant yet? Lots of soul work, deep conversations and epiphanies about how we may not be showing up at 200%.
Last year, Jaime and I came to the conclusion that it’s not enough to be at 100% together to make what we want happen. We each get to show up at 100%… and when we’re at a combined 200% (each showing up ALL IN), we make our dreams come true!
Also, we live stream on YouTube for the first time. It’s stretchy for us. But fun!
Oh yeah. We adopt a second dog.
April: Spring is here and after a depressing few months, I find solace in the action I’m taking. I’m proud of myself. I’m optimistic for the first time in 2021.
Also, we finish building our mountain-facing fire pit!
OH wait… our YouTube channel gets wrongfully deleted and then re-installed a week later. Eff you 2021!
May: A quiet birthday month. My parents visit and get stranded for an extra week because there’s a random gas shortage on the east coast?! Also, we get the final CO from the town, the permit that says we are FINISHED with a two-year project. YEASS! Also, we refinance for big future plans.
June: We start playing with our drone for YouTube. I throw myself into a YouTube course. I feel creatively inspired and for the first time like my old self.
Maybe 2021 won’t be a total wash? Nope. Negative pregnancy test is heart breaking and I let the grief wash over me.
Trying to conceive and not having it happen is a type of invisible grief. I mourn the loss of something that technically has not been lost because it never was? It’s a mind fuck. I’m trying my best. Pro of this: I get vulnerable and this takes the last bit of resistance out of me. Jaime and I both surrender this journey to the universe. We let go, and let God.
July: Our friends come to stay with us and FORCE US to put our suites up on airbnb. We realize we’re doing the thing where we make up excuses instead of just starting. We do it. HOLY CRAP we’re scared! Eeeep!
We relearn this lesson: Start before you feel ready.
Also… 14 days in we find out we are pregnant. OF COURSE the moment we surrender to the universe, accept we can only do our best, show up at 200% without any expectations for the results… the universe delivers us a miracle. I stare at pee sticks for a week smiling.
August: I get tired FAST. First trimester kicks in hard. I feel sick for days at a time and exhausted. Jaime does everything for us. He’s tired and exhausted now too.
Also, our second dog begins to get overwhelming & we realize we need to treat her differently than our first dog, who is easier, smaller and better behaved. Trickiness ensues.
September: Jaime travels a lot and work at our day jobs implode. We are stressed again. How did we get such a wonderful gift and yet, we’re still stressed out and having a hard time being present and appreciating our life?
Rentals go slow and we wonder is September a slow season for us or are we failing?
October: September is definitely slow. October is non-stop with reservations and happy people staying at our vacation rentals in Bryson City, NC. I feel better in my second trimester. It’s FALL! I am into it. The leaves are changing. I make an autumn bucket list. We experience some joy in between the stress.
I lose my patience with our second dog and we consider re-homing her. We decide to re-commit and change A LOT… Some big come-to-jesus moments happen at home and we have hard but important conversations about life. We end the month with a walk in the woods. It is a balm and a moment of hope for us.
November: What if everything was enough? I decide to ask myself what life would look like if everything was enough for me? I decide to stop looking at our life as step 1 of 20.
We have big dreams and I’m rediscovering the value of playing the long game. Bird by bird, as Anne Lamott would say. Big things get done with small steps over time. I’m tired of the allure of “instant success.” What ever happened to appreciation for playing the long game?
Oh snap, my day job ends in a really weird and unexpected way. Slight panic ensues but I’ve been here before. Bye bye soul-sucking day job, it’s time to re-prioritize what my career goals are and begin to do work that actually feeds my soul. More on that to come!
December: It’s only the beginning, but the last stretch of this year feels different. I commit to joy. I listen to a lot of new podcasts and audio books. Life is good. So far.
Our co-ed baby shower is in Miami. Then we leave to our baby moon in Key West, Florida. Eepp! This has to be a great end to 2021, right? Committed to finishing strong!
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Step 2: recognize your top 3 wins and pain points (areas to learn from)
My top 3 wins:
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- Becoming pregnant with our first child!
- Renting our suites and starting a side hustle!
- Finding my voice and becoming a leader and advocate for myself. This started with my journey trying to conceive and has had positive trickle effects across my life, like saying NO at my day job recently when a boundary was crossed because I matter. Because I get to be true to myself. It feels empowering.
My top 3 pain points:
- Resistance to what is. This could easily be 1-3. If this year taught me anything it’s that resisting what is coming up in my life is a sure way to be miserable and create more shitty results.
- Worry. I worried a lot this year about things that sorted themselves out and I get to remember, most of everything does. Worry is a waste when it happens for long stretches of time with no end in sight.
- Becoming flexible… many times I am not. I dig my heels in and become stubborn to hold on to what it is, how it should be, etc etc… and it’s silly. I can be more flexible and create win wins with LESS energy and more efficiency.. ironically it costs me more time and energy to be upset about something than simply do the thing and confront it.
Step 3: let’s look ahead & dream big
What are you doing to evaluate the year? Any systems or processes you like? Share them please! And share your goals 🙂 I love seeing what other people are learning and creating in their lives!
Ps. If you liked this post, you may like my memior, Embrace That Girl.
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