Happy 4th of July! The gap between these is getting longer, though I don’t feel bad as I’ve been getting my fair fix of writing, contemplating and sharing.

MEDITATION & INSIGHTS

Jaime participated in a meditation group and then I created one as part of the process of how it works. It’s been really wonderful actually. A total game changer for me. I’ve been noticing a lot about myself. Here are a few things that happened:

SELFIE CAMERA ACTION
When I saw the challenge to form my own group, I decided to use it as an opportunity to get over my fear of showing myself on camera. I got on my Instagram stories and plead my case. And you know what? NOTHING HAPPENED except me feeling good… and recruiting an amazing meditation group. I didn’t get a ton of attention, I didn’t get a ton of negativity… in fact, the world and everything in it moved on just so. But there was a shift within me and it gave me more confidence and I’m glad I did it. My meditation group is bigger than I expected and also doing so well!

LIFE GOALS
One activity asked me to make a list of people who had achieved their life goals. I realized what my metrics are for that and how in comparison to Jaime, I was more lenient in my celebrations of life goals hah… including what marked the completion of a goal. For him and another good friend of ours, life goals are only completed when we’re older because they take time. I think this is a distinction of what your marker of a goal is. I believe we can have an overarching goal but all the little goals and steps within it count independently. So, for me, though someone is on their way, I counted them as achieving their life goals because they’re doing it! In a world with so many people going through the motions, these folks are actually going for their ultimate. For Jaime, this is not finished and that person will count once it’s all come to fruition. Neither is wrong and it’s so interesting to see how different we all are.

REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE
Another activity asked us to write an oath… 12 times. This one was hilarious. I was VERY resistant. I hated the oath, yet I wrote it 3 TIMES before deciding to do anything about it (that shows up everywhere, me doing what I perceive to be the right thing until I get uncomfortable and frankly annoyed enough to change it). I also notice I hate rules that I perceive no value in. The 12 times seemed ridiculous to me. I didn’t wanna do it and pretty much read it aloud as I scribbled it so it could technically pass as writing it. Stubborn stubborn Taurus in me.

INSPIRATION STRIKES
This week, I also woke up at 3:45 AM with an idea in my chest so vivid I had to wake up to let it out. I want to begin a creative collaboration with jaime. I woke up, did research and then plotted it out excitedly waiting for him. He didn’t seem super enthused about it at first, but he came around to it! I think he was scared but he’d be so good. Anyway, i’ve been tired since that day because it was simply not enough sleep for me (my body literally felt like it was getting a cold as the day went on from the lack of sleep). so I have not gotten to give it more steam but I will and we’re excited.

THE POWER OF SUPPORT & VULNERABILITY
Meditating and leading a group have retaught me the power of community, what real vulnerable sharing and support can do for us. I feel totally transformed by having a place to let out my feelings and be acknowledged. As a social introvert, life can be interesting. I am social and crave connection, but that is not where I derive most of my energy from. Being alone is how I fill myself up and get ready to go out and be around people.

It’s a strange in between to navigate and since I am energized from solitude, it is my natural tendency, which unfortunately can result in my missing out on a crucial component to life (and my own personal fulfillment). These meditation groups have opened something up for me, I can’t tell you how much and how joyfully unexpected it all is. Seriously, I was simply going through the motions and only signed on because it felt like meditation is good for me, a total “should,” and yet here I am quite honestly shifting my life because of two things: meditation (solitude) and vulnerability (real connection).

Life is good right now. If you would have asked me one week ago my answer would have been different. I would have told you i’m lucky and feel guilty over being unhappy. But, today, this week, I feel alive.