Don’t overthink it, I remember saying to myself.

“Right at the jaw, please,” I smiled and instructed my hairdresser to cut off 6 inches of hair. Once she snipped it, that was it.

Recently, as I find myself pregnant, I miss this haircut more. It’s not that I can’t cut my hair short now, it’s that I miss the autonomy I had over my body. I miss making decisions for me. I don’t make decisions for me right now. I’ve got the oh-so-cutest of roommates to consider before I so much as eat something. In fact, even if I’m not hungry, I often eat because of this little human growing inside of me.

My short hair came at a great time. I was releasing my first book, Embrace That Girl, into the world and the challenge to be myself while doing it was hard. Authenticity is not easy, at least for me. I can become embarrassed to share all the real parts of me.

Walking out of the hair salon that day, I remember the crisp fall wind blowing my newly cropped strands of hair around my face. Holy crap, this is short. But I loved it. Not necessarily because it’s been my best look, but because it was a bold decision I made for me. It was a physical way to express a shift I felt happening inside. That haircut helped me express a brewing change. It was the beginning of where I am right now, here in my dining room typing this during Thanksgiving week. Actually, let’s rewind to last week first.

Last week was hard. Really hard. I was essentially let go from my position without being “let go.” Have you ever had the experience of something happening while being told something else was actually happening? For a million different reasons, I won’t go into the full details. Was I sad? I can’t say I was. The difficulty last week was probably about 10% losing a security blanket and 90% losing respect for an old working relationship.

To be perfectly honest, I’m nervous even typing this. People read, and well, this is a public sharing space I’ve created. I’m inviting people into whatever details I choose the share. I’m accountable for that. But I’m sick of playing fake. Are you? I see it all around me all the time. People stepping on glass holding back what they actually mean. That isn’t the type of world I wish to participate in anymore. See here for existential epiphany on this exact subject a few weeks back.

 

Scorpio season transformation 🌚

 

I am big into astrology. It’s one of my favorite guilty pleasures, and actually, I’m sick of calling it that. I’m highly interested in this ancient practice. If you believe the activity in the sky affects us, and I do, then you’re probably feeling something this month.

Can I be honest? I was really comfortable. My part-time day job came at a good time. We needed the money and I needed some type of work because I was feeling directionless. At first, the structure was welcome. After months turned into years though, I slipped back into the familiar comfortable place working for someone else has always been for me: a dead end.

Comfort comes as a guest, stays as a host and remains to enslave you. – Embrace That Girl by Cris Ramos Greene

I wrote these words in the introductory chapter of my book. They hit me like a fucking train the first time I heard them in Miami five years ago. I was working another dead-end job (though, admittedly, it had at least pushed my career forward) feeling like the things I wanted were just outside of my reach. And man, do I get comfortable easily and stay in situations far longer than they serve me. I crave routine and then become a slave for the safety measures our world tells us we need. I’m not here to blame my woes on the world or any job I freely chose to enter into. I am the author of my own life and I’ve always known this is my test. To choose myself or choose safety?

 

How Cutting Off All My Hair Helped Me Reinvent Myself, my newest byline

 

Hair can be dismissed as a vain, frivolous thing to focus on. In fact, it’s a clever way to demean women, since we are the ones often concerned by our hair. I read a recent story about how obsessing over women’s weight was a clever way to demean their talents. This is the same sentiment I feel when we dismiss hair or fashion (or do the opposite, focus so heavily on it we miss the whole of the woman). And trust me I know because I’ve done both of those things. It’s taken me until my mid-thirties to basically embrace the power of my femininity.

I took a recent journey through the many lives I’ve experienced over the last fifteen years and how much my hair has changed right along with them. You can read the full piece here in Collective World, a sister outlet to Thought Catalog. That’s what those phases feel like to me at this point, different versions of myself I gladly tried on and took off. I like that about myself. I’m not afraid to take the plunge and experiment with hair colors, styles and even personas.

 

I’ve tried on a lot of personas over the last fifteen years: the super-focused career girl, the alternative artist, the serious writer, the not-so-serious writer, the I-only-work-this-job-for-money role but I’m really an author (as of late) and now, well, I am left with me. The mom-to-be me of the moment rocking long, natural dark waves with the occasional white strands that drive me mad. Honest, naked, vulnerable me. And I like how it feels on my skin. Even if it’s uncomfortable sometimes.

 

What physical transformations have you gone through during big life moments?

 

Has hair been this thing for you? Breakups come to mind. I know plenty of women who change something during this time, it’s a physical way to represent the shedding of something old and unwanted. In fact, I feel like doing this now. But I’m coming up short on what my new physical transformation will be. I suppose the soul growing inside me is not to be ignored. This is the biggest bodily transformation I’ve gone through, which is saying a lot as a person whose prided myself on being a chameleon, shedding layers, looks, beliefs and hair color when it suited me.

I hope this Scorpio season of transformation is kind to you. Share any changes you’re going through here. I’d love to hear them…

 

Ps. If you liked this post, you may like my memior, Embrace That Girl.

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