I’ve been an officially published author whose book is available for purchase just under a week now. The day itself was a Tuesday like any other. Without social media, it would have been business as usual. It’s insane to me just how much of my life’s meaning and “reality” I define by the things that happen in a digital space. Really, if I would have stayed off the internet that day, exactly nothing would have been materially different. But this isn’t a post on the complexities of our lives and exactly how much of their meaning we give to the internet and social media. This is a post about not feeling like I’m doing enough.

There are a ton of lessons on creativity and hard work and my own power that have come from publishing my first book Embrace That Girl. And despite all the empowerment, I still hear the voices of: You could have used more time. You could have used more knowledge. You could have put more effort into x, y, z.

Were it a different season of my life, this might have depressed me. The answer would be, of course I’m not doing enough, when am I ever doing enough?

In the process of sharing my book, more interesting ways to get the word out pop up like weeds. For every one solid tip I find to get the word out, five more spring in its place. Despite the multiplying to do’s on my book list, my body has not had the slightest inclination to go into doing mode. This is new to me. I live in doing, especially when it’s something that comes easily to me, like marketing. To understand I could be doing so much more and then basically sit on the information slowly tackling one thing at a time and being patient and trusting is… nuts. Who even am I? I don’t bother questioning it because I don’t want to scare my newfound peace away.

My entire life I’ve honestly felt like I’m never doing enough. In my twenties, I wasn’t doing enough for my dreams and my love life. I legitimately suffered thinking of all the ways I fell short, and none of those painful judgements ever produced the right kind of doing. Actually, it caused anxiety, which is basically that doing spirit without any clarity, otherwise known as the perfect conditions to make bad decisions.

It could be because I’m finally maturing in this third decade of life. I’m thirty three. I do feel settled in my skin, the most I’ve ever felt. And I also know contrast and change are part of life. In other words, this too is temporary. As the years pass, I feel more and more settled but I’m also older and wiser. I know hard times inevitably come and I accept I’ll probably freak the fuck out. So, I guess I’m not in a real hurry is what I’m saying. Maturity has given me this gift: the good things are coming. They always are.

So, I will do my due diligence calmly without the ghost of my neurosis telling me it’s not nearly fast enough because… I can.