What a day yesterday. It was truly a marathon. Tons of gray and beige hues, crips mantels, bright flower arrangements, blush pink velvet hightop covers and a blazing Miami sun. I took joy in getting ready before our good friend’s co-ed baby shower to celebrate the birth of our group’s next baby girl, putting on pink eyeshadow over freshly tanned skin, slightly curling my thick black hair and wearing an off the shoulder dress adorned with beads and bright colors… all so I could sweat my ass off. I forgot just how burning hot the summers are in Miami. And yet, I still back came home missing it a little more than usual.

I enjoy seeing our friends as always, more than anything taking a look around and noticing where we’ve settled. Friendship has always been a point of sensitivity for me. I’ve had changes in friends like seasons and that’s always made me feel a little sad. I never expected the group of people I met in high school when I was dating my first boyfriend would become my friends for life. I guess I really owe him for that introduction.

When most of us are gathered at a party, I think it’s pretty cool to look around and acknowledge how we’ve changed, physically and otherwise, who we’ve settled into being, who we ended up with, it gives me a warm feeling, actually. It’s interesting to think back to when a new partner was brought into the group, when a certain couple got together and it felt random but now it feels natural, it’s fascinating to see how we all evolve.

There are, of course, also the college additions, those I picked up along the way at different jobs and the newest friends here in Bryson City. We may be shorter along in our journey together but soon enough I can look at us in a room with the same sense of evolving wonder. I love that.

I had two interesting conversations and a few tidbits of advice that stuck out to me at this party.

I spoke to a good friend about life, her business in particular. I admire how tenacious she’s been. She has consistently showed up every day for her passion and made it. It’s so encouraging. She was telling me to go for it! To pour more of myself and tell more of my story on social media, my blog, that I don’t have to wait. I was making the case that, well, I don’t have a clear point for my blog… if I had a book to sell would be one thing, but I don’t yet… it’s not finished. So, who am I and why does anyone care? She made the suggestion that I don’t need a finished product or a clear plan to begin expressing myself and sharing where I am along the journey. It wasn’t advice I hadn’t heard, but I couldn’t believe how it always seemed so obvious to me and yet it never fully clicked.

We spoke about my life-changing move to North Carolina… no less to a small town after living in Miami, Florida and how I should share all of it. You know those moments when you may be hearing the same words you’ve heard before, maybe even spoken directly to you in the past, but somehow they feel different? Like it was fated to hear them at that exact moment for the message to land? Something clicked when she said it. I felt it was serendipitous advice. And I knew as soon as she said it I wanted to take her advice, to get over myself so that I can be myself. To drop this reputation of put-togetherness I think I should have, or worse, to fly under the radar unnoticed.

I encouraged her to do the same. It’s funny the perceptions we have of ourselves as under prepared in what we do and therefore no one to say what we wanna say. For me, she is an authority on the subject of her business–– period. If I need design advice, I’m calling her. In her mind though, her colloquial way of expressing herself is “messing up,” while I honestly think she’s speaking to an audience that feels more included in the design world because of this. I can’t tell her the amount of times I’ve taken a screen shot of what she shares because she makes it feel so accessible and personal.

It got me thinking about how I can simply be more myself and open up about what’s happening in my life. Really open… not filtered open. Not the tiny glimpses of mostly the good stuff, open. Raw. Why not share it? I’m actually going through a lot because of moving to North Carolina and it’s not all warm and fuzzy feelings looking at mountains. It’s a story that other people may want to follow or relate to. Maybe they’re thinking of making a big move and they have doubts or they’re experiencing the same thing right along with me. The important part is to be myself though, which is IRONICALLY something that keeps coming up. I’ve always had such pride in being real. I’m stumped I’m even having this conversation?! But I have to admit, when it comes to sharing in this space online, I can get shy. I see other people’s ways of doing things and I compare them to my own, then I try to copy their level of skill (not intentionally) and then what I produce is a watered down version of what I wanted to share in the first place.

It would be such a cool exercise to simply express what’s in my heart, sans “the right way” or the “better way” and see what the fuck happens. To be real. Not to be embarrassed. Who knows what really letting go would feel like?

So, I’m going to do this. I’m going to take her advice and begin to share more. In the words of another amazing friend, to share the FIRST draft exactly how it came out… not the second filtered edit.

You know how I else knew this advice was something I needed to hear? It gave me that excited but nervous feeling in my stomach and I felt that click in my body the way I have when something makes sense… but also kind of makes me sick. Follow that feeling whenever you get it.

 

xoxo.