I devoured Many Love, A Memoir of Polyamory and Finding Love(s) by Sophie Lucido Johnson in a week! Although I‘m not polyamorous, I found learning about a different way to be in a relationship fascinating. There are so many layers to uncover in this story unveiling the process of creating an entirely new arrangement that works for your needs and desires sans society models. What I genuinely enjoyed the most is how much I related to Sophie, the protagonist and author. Regardless of your relationship status or preferences, we’ve all gone through the dating journey trying to discover what and who it is we really want.

Finding “the one”

In particular, I related to growing up learning that the point of dating was to the find “the one.” This idea was constantly reinforced by my family and the people who encompassed my small world. Romantic relationships were taught to be the most important kind of relationship in my life and therefore should be prioritized as such.

My twenties were pretty much spent in training wheels rewiring my brain to think in an opposite way. Unlearning these narratives and values during such a tumultuous time was hard. I blamed myself a lot for not knowing any better, or worse, being the kind of person who valued outside acceptance over myself. Reading her account helped me organize and understand how easily these beliefs became mine, and moreover, how to let go of the judgement I placed on myself for feeling this way for most of my early adult life.

Make love work for you

My takeaway from Sophie’s story is to make love work for you. I don’t know if this was the author’s intention, but I was left with a deeper understanding for the complexities of human relationships, especially the one I have with myself.

The book reads like a diary of her life laid bare and vulnerable. She shares the shades of gray without any reservation and it allowed me to see myself in her, regardless of our differences. I read Sophie’s love story just as much a tale of self acceptance as a parable (and call to action) to love in a way that’s unexpected and still has bit of controversy and misunderstanding tied to it. Sophie does explain part of her intention with the book is to clarify polyamory as a way of life open to loving more than one person in whatever way that takes shape. Though I do have friends in the community and was armed with a greater understanding of this world than most, I think she does accomplish this in spades. In fact, I’ve since recommended this book to poly people and those interested or curious in learning more about a relationship status that’s increasingly talked about.

Above all, love yourself

Perhaps this is me as a reader bringing my own journey to Sophie’s, but her book reinforced this idea for me. Her honesty about the evolution of her beliefs, especially those early-day narratives about romantic relationships and hunting for “the one,” reinforced my worthiness.

I wouldn’t change my journey because it made me who I am, and that includes my past mistakes when it came to relationships, romantic and otherwise. Being in my thirties has been a freeing time. Reading these types of stories (and authoring my own) has led me through a maze of understanding who I am, why it is i’m like that, and most importantly, how I get to embrace that person.