Happy fall, friends. This season I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. Namely, about the profound lessons that have come up for me after self publishing my book… how none of my current reality matches my 5 year plan. 😂

4 Lessons I’ve Learned From Being An Author (and having a 5 year plan)

As I’ve hit the milestones I spent years craving, I briefly understood the timing never mattered. I got there and all the memories of my endless focus on not being there faded away.

Once the magic fairy dust of achieving a milestone wore off though, a new unfulfilled desire took its place. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I want to have goals to look forward to. However, once they didn’t come as I wanted or when I wanted to, I immediately fell back into the craving mode. The focusing on what wasn’t here and what it meant about who I am.

I intellectually understood I could not control many of the things I wanted. I could only control how I showed up. But it didn’t matter, I still measured my failures against the uncontrollable whims of circumstances, timing and strangers.

Have you felt this way? I think many of us can relate. Social media doesn’t help. Plenty of people fill our feeds telling a surface story of achieving all the gals and none of the tough stuff behind the victories. I’ve gone on several walks this fall opting to leave my phone in the car because of social media fatigue. Turns out, the less (and more intentionally) I engage with it, the more fruitful my social media time became.

I genuinely believe this thoughtful removal from my phone opened up the space for me to realize the profound lessons I’ve learned from publishing a book and my failed 5-year plan.

No one ever beats the clock

I went to the University of Florida, and across the street from campus there was this bar called Grog. Now, this place was a cesspool of cheap beer, liquor, sticky floors and drunk people. It was awesome. Every Friday at 9pm was Beat The Clock. Grog would serve pitchers for 25 cents. Each half hour, the price would increase by a quarter. By 12pm you can imagine the state of its inhabitants. We had a saying then, “No one beats the clock.”

Why do I bring this up? Everything about this experience came rushing back to me as I began a goal with excitement, only to find myself befuddled weeks later and suffering from a raging expectation hang over. The circumstances, facts and players had changed, but the lesson was the same. We can make a plan, but ultimately, if there are elements outside of our control, we can’t be attached to how and when it unfolds. No one beats the clock, in other words. 😜

Be. Do. Have.

I keep this affirmation close and it serves as a reminder to me that this is the order of priority if you want to create anything in your life. It took me a long time to learn because society teaches us the opposite order. We learn we need to do, do, do all the things, in order to have the results and finally be happy. This is wrong and will lead to a life of chasing.

In truth, the way we are sets the tone for the rest of our life to unfold. We must be the thing we want in order to make room for the rest to follow. In other words, if your goal is the be a best seller (as is mine), it’s important to ask yourself: are you showing up to your life in the same way a best seller would? If you were already a best seller, wouldn’t you feel relaxed and confident in you work, thus bringing a sense of clarity and ease as you search for collaborations that are fun and make sense?

When we show up as the thing we want (be the thing), we are clear and in the mindset to take the proper actions (do the things) that will ultimately create the result you want (have the thing).

Don’t be attached

Make your 5-year plan and don’t be attached. This seems counter intuitive, I thought so too when I first heard it. If I made this detailed plan, threw myself fully into the completion of it, why on God’s green earth would I not be attached to my results? See universal truth above: you cannot control anything outside of how you feel and show up. You can’t even control your own body.

There’s a careful harmony in being ambitious and engaging with our desires. That’s good. Dreaming with action is how we get where we long to be. But no matter what, you cannot control circumstances and people and timing. Those will happen as they do, so adapting to that is vital. If we get too attached to how something needs to happen, it doesn’t allow for pivoting or shifting in response, which may get us there or somewhere even better.

Surrender and have faith

Perhaps the hardest lesson of all is the letting go. Humans like control, I certainly do. Having faith that it’s all working out especially when it’s not going according to your specific plan is hard. Actually, it can be heartbreaking, frustrating and painful. But our power is here, in the relaxing into our lives and enjoying it.

There is a remarkable power in surrendering to divine timing. In a world filled with hustlers trying to 10x their lives, there is something to be learned from the people who are joyful. I’ve been so much more inspired watching people live their life, enjoying their time, making beautiful connections all the while achieving the things they want in a way that doesn’t make me think… are you okay and how many red bulls have you had?

I used to look to ultra productive and successful people for answers. Now, I look to people who are relaxing and allowing their success to unfold in a way that gives them room to enjoy their life. It’s much easier to exercise control and do, do, do. It’s much harder to trust and allow all the things you want to unfold. It’s easier to force your 5-year plan to work. It’s harder to shift your plan so that it can work for you.