Hi friends, today I wanted to write a bit about my experience going from 1 to 2 kids! In February, we welcomed our son and so far I have some thoughts…

Okay, I’m going to get right into it. Going from 0 kids to 1 was WAY HARDER. I said what I said. I’ve heard mixed reviews about this but now that I’ve been here for some time I’ve made up my mind.  I personally find that it’s easier going from 1 to 2 kids. Why? Because I’ve been here before! I’ve had a baby and I know babies are resilient. This alone is, like, 40% of why I think it’s easier. 😂

You’ve done it before

Experience is huge and once you have one baby under your belt, so to speak, you can handle another. Never underestimate the value of having been there before. To be totally honest, no one can prepare you for the shock that first baby will be in your life. Even when people told me I would not sleep, nothing could have prepared me for that level of exhaustion. Even when people told me I’d have no time for myself, nothing could have prepared me for that loss of personal freedom.

You’ve got perspective

With less worry, there is more appreciation. I did not savor or appreciate the newborn stage! It goes by so fast and it’s the best. They snuggle. They eat. They sleep. That’s it. I was so worried as a first time mom if she was alive and fine that I missed this stage. Also, as a first time mom, I was so focused on what I didn’t have: rest and freedom to do things for myself. As a second time mom, I appreciate everything a new baby adds to my life. The love is overwhelming and some of the things I used to see as a bother are now something I enjoy.

You know who you are as a mother

My confidence as a mother is solid. On top of experience and appreciation, I know myself. With my first baby, I was learning what it was to be a mother. It was a huge change in identity. Put simply: I didn’t know how to be a mother. I couldn’t figure out how to deal with my new life.

To be honest, it took my easily a year if not a bit more to feel comfortable and confident in this role. That’s when I found my stride, made the schedule work for me and really knew myself in this role. And that, my friends, is a game changer.

The birth was better

This is largely personal and dependent on your circumstance. My first birth was… complicated. For a time, it felt disappointing even. I labored for 24 hours and eventually gave birth via cesarian. I knew the second time around, this would be the case. And, you guys, it’s wild going in for a planned birth. Very different experience. My recovery was much better the second time having not labored as long and having a different attitude. I felt more surrendered to the experience. I knew there would be very difficult and painful aspects, and somehow, that preparation made it less heavy. It was a phase… like all things in parenting.

Look at that side eye this early in life!

Everything is a phase

This too shall pass – perfect words of encouragement for parents! I did not know this the first time. Five weeks felt like five years. Time was wacky. Everything felt like it would last forever… and it didn’t. I didn’t believe when my friends told me my daughter would eventually sleep through the night… and she did. I couldn’t imagine a world when she’d be able to move around or talk, and it’s already here. Everything moves on and it’s simultaneously the saddest thing ever and also a huge relief. This too shall pass. Trust me.

Now for a few tricky aspects of the two kid life. There are definitely logistical difficulties going from 1 to 2 kids… if there are two of you, you really don’t get much of a break at least at first. So you’ve lost that extra pair of hands. That can be dealt with easier, in my opinion, than the guilt I felt at first. I grieved going from 1 to 2 kids. I know that sounds crazy because I LOVE my son and have had a ton of positive experiences. But I will say, the guilt I felt about not giving 100% of my attention and focus to my daughter was rough. Those first few weeks when we were all learning this new arrangement broke my heart. And… it passed. We still have a super strong bond. I feel much less guilty for needing to give a bulk of my attention to our new baby. Life flows.

 

Now, you tell me. Do you agree? What’s your experience going from 1 to 2 kids, if you’re there. I wanna know 😉

As always, thank you for being here.

xoxo,

c.