I’m trading in mountains for palm trees for the next week and a half! Feels good to be home. I missed my friends and the tropical climate. This is Miami’s best season (if only it stayed like this forever). It feels good to be surrounded by all the greenery and smelling the fresh air. 

Home feels like wine nights with all my best friends. Tons of catching up and intention setting for the new year. Mostly, it feels like a miniature warm retreat to a place that will always be familiar to me. We’ve only been gone for 7 months, but it feels like so much longer.

CELEBRATION

Our second night here we threw our Dad a close-nit birthday party themed with different whiskeys and bourbons for his 60th. It was spectacular. What made it so special was the care and intention we put into making it a celebratory experience of who he is. We collected photos of him and we as a group got to see images of his many variations over the years projected onto the living room wall. It was like a live show of his evolution.

Also, I was reminded of how glorious his mustache was. He rocked that for a long time. It is his signature look.

EXPANDING PERCEPTION

On friendships, I will definitely be going back home to Bryson City armed with enough love, compassion and wise insight to last for months. I jam packed my schedule with coffee dates and dinner dates and, of course, wine nights. The schedule reminded me of when Jaime and I used to visit Spain. I’d feel exhausted after our trip. He packed every free moment with coffee, lunch, dinner and drinks. I never understood where he was coming from until now. Actually, it used to leave me feeling depleted and a bit resentful that our vacation was spent running from coffee shop to restaurant to bar on a strict schedule. I feel regretful I made him feel hurried now that I see how important it is to connect with the people who mean so much to us. It’s an interesting place to be in.

But I’m really grateful to be experiencing this perspective. It’s given me another layer of understanding in my awareness.

MIAMI… A STATE OF THINGS

Miami feels… like Miami. I still have the same gripes and care for this place. It’s an unconditional love, even though I clearly see its faults. People are not as nice as they are up north, especially when they don’t have a reason to be… in general, common decency is not a part of the culture. That’s the biggest shock I’ve experienced, apart from the traffic (it feels like it got worse?! Or maybe I blocked it out hah). But the palm trees and greenery are welcoming, the heavy downpours are comforting and there’s just something about a Miami accent that feels endearing to me.

I even find myself holding back the instinct to say, “like literally.”

BEING VS. DOING

For a year now, life has been a process of “falling into place.” Yes, for an entire year at this point. Some days I wake up with purpose, drive and direction. Others I find myself grasping for straws and getting lost in mindless tactics all while wondering, what Am I supposed to be doing?

Doing. I’ve been in a doing place, instead of a being place. The detox from having a job, a job that gave me the comfortable illusion of purpose, has lasted far longer than I thought. It’s hard to shake off years of living according to the system. When I was in it, I used to think I really understood it. I did. I still do. But logically comprehending there’s a bigger point to my life than having a traditional job is different from knowing it. In my experience, knowing something is a feeling. It is the next step after logically comprehending it.

That’s a frustrating distinction. I assumed when my actions aligned with my longtime desires, I’d be happy (read: I’ll be whole and complete once I don’t need a job). But, my knowing has not not naturally followed my rationale understanding. The illusion has been a persistent one to let go of. However frustrating this distinction is, it’s a useful one because now that I’m not distracted, I’m being forced to confront a bigger question, what’s the point? That may sound depressing, but I don’t take it that way.

I’m starting to understand the point for me is to evolve… and then take that outside of myself. To create a way to facilitate the environment/words/inspiration for others to step into their own evolution.

So, I get to be that and figure out how to make it happen.

 

Love from the tropics,

C