Serious question: what if it was all enough right now? How would you feel? How would you act? If this was true for me, everything would change. Let’s talk about learning from failure… and reframing it all to work for you.
If you’re like me, you may live your life in a perpetual “not there yet” state. I seem to always find myself in step 1 of 20. Sure, I finally published a book (your old step 20), but let’s be serious, I’m not a full time author or best seller… back to step 1 of 20. It’s been too easy to feel lesser than, not enough, never caught up to where I want to be. Does this resonate?
If so, holy shit, I’m so sorry. This mindset really takes a toll, a heavy one. On that note, I’d like to share some of my past projects, failures and successes alike, and what life could look like if I reframed how I saw them.
Let’s talk about some of my favorite failures & successes
Learning from failure: My first blog
The above bloody Mary’s were made in a different time in my life. Let’s travel back to 2014 to one of my first creative projects–– a success story in many ways yet something I viewed as a failure for years.
My old blog, The Emerald Journal, started off as a source of delight and excitement until it turned into a constant source failure feelings for me. It never seemed to measure up to my comparisons of other bloggers and writers. And yet, it was first pivotal step in living a life of a professional creative.
At the time, I had just quit my job and started to freelance. The Emerald Journal was my strike-big endeavor with my best friend, another creative soul who wanted to do something cool. So we did. We started a lifestyle blog and we went hard AF. It was the first time I put myself out there and declared that I was going to be a writer and share my life online. That I would speak with {some kind of} authority on things and share my point of view… like I mattered. Believe it or not, although you may think the world is filled with oversharing and this isn’t anything new or brave, for me it was. It tested my assumption that I was a nobody that didn’t have anything worthwhile to say. It was a BIG stretch for me.
We had a growing but small following. I even got recognized out at a restaurant once… this lovely girl asked me to take a photo with her and everything! Whoa, right? Ironically (and perfectly timed), I was literally complaining to my boyfriend (now husband) about how the blog wasn’t working. How I didn’t see progress, how I would never be as big-time as other writers, etc. Maybe I just wasn’t interesting enough? Maybe that little “hunch” I had all along was right: I’m totally ordinary and boring… and maybe even annoying.
How rude is my inner voice? Talk about itty bitty shitty committee LOL. I didn’t know it then, but I was way too fixated on making money from the blog in a literal way. That narrow-minded view failed me. I didn’t see that the blog and showcasing my work had made me money–– indirectly. It caught the eye of two of my first clients who saw what I was doing and then gave me money to do it for them. One of those clients sustained me until very recently and supported my BIG life change/move to the mountains.
My friend/blogging partner became a social media coordinator and then eventually began her own business based off our blog. She is now the outsourced marketing director for the company she once was a server for. But do you think after all that, I looked at that blog as a success? I didn’t for a long time. It fizzled out in an anti-climactic way. I also probably let the readers down by assuming they were such a small following they didn’t deserve a proper goodbye or even a, hey! here’s where to find us next.
I regret so much about the negative mindset I viewed that experience with. These habits are still following me today and I’m hoping by writing posts like this I get closer to seeing them in a constructive light.
In short: the blog failed to do exactly what I wanted it to, and I was so blinded by that perspective, I didn’t see the abundance of doors it opened for me in my career and life. I would probably still be in a soul-crushing 9-5 had it not been for this blog. I had one of my biggest money-making years due to the work I showcased on that blog. And yet, it was NEVER enough for me.
Learning from failure: Projects that never saw the light of day
After the shame I had for my blog failure, there was a series of creative projects that were left in a small graveyard on my computer. Here are some:
- – My un-published book about a girl struggling with mental health and the concept of what’s real
- – My blog about the connection between my life in Miami and Spain – complete with wine recommendations for reach published story
- – My podcast ideas:
- – travel podcast with jaime on our approach to travel and the inspired ideas that strike while we’re away
- – a podcast with my sister on familial relationships, the bond of sisterhood & how we evolve as people (specifically through the lens of our strongest and most challenging relationships, our family)
There’s probably more, honestly, I have a few I won’t share here because I’m holding out hope they will one day be created and made manifest in the world. But you get the idea… these are without a doubt the saddest to me.
That I never had the courage or gumption to see these through hurts me. For a few of them, it felt right to move on… but if I’m being honest with myself, I got scared to push live and put myself out there. I was scared of what people would think, of being rejected and made fun of. And that’s lame, because some of these ideas are actually pretty great.
Bottom line: if you never share it, it will definitely be a failure.
On to some ideas that did make it…
Learning to define success: My published book
If you’re on here, you know my first book was published last year in the height of a global pandemic. Solid timing. Can you believe I published a book called Embrace That Girl and I’m still, like, totally not doing that? Fml. It happens and I’m being real. It’s so HARD to put yourself out there and then let go of expectations. Here’s what I learned though:
I can do big things. I spent weeks at a time with hours per day dedicated to bringing this story to life. I hired people, learned new skills and pushed my creative limits. It’s some of the most focused and best work of my career. I am awe-struck that I figured it all out and then put it out there.
I also learned that I get to decide on my metrics for success. I don’t want to discourage myself from dreaming big, but I was ultimately disappointed with its sales. Did I think it would perform better? Yes. Did it get REALLY solid reviews from its readership, yes. Ultimately, I got caught up in the numbers comparison game. My book audience felt small to me (sound familiar?).
Lackluster sales scratched all up on my worthiness. I hate to be the cliche, but if I’m being honest, growing up with social media has big draw backs… like being a place to compare yourself to others. It sucks that I do that, but I feel like most of us do – whether we’re conscious of it or not. I wish I cared less. I wish it was enough. I wish I came from the space of gratitude in seeing that I made a BIG milestone happen. I wish I focused on the reader messages saying the book moved them and made a BIG impact on their life. Also… something crazy like 80% of people who have a book idea never bring it to light. THAT ALONE is a major accomplishment.
I feel conflicted to share this. Part of being a creator online is having this expertise or authority. Am I shattering that by sharing that my results were mixed? I don’t know. I appreciate creators who are honest and I think it leaves space for growth and relatability. So there it is. My book is awesome and it’s solid writing. And I wish more people bought it and read it.
Learning to appreciate my work and keep going: Our Youtube Channel
Here’s another project you’ve seen me write about in the past. When I got the idea to do this, it felt more like divine intervention. I was reading the Artisti’s Way and I literally woke up from a dream at 5 AM to write down this idea: me and Jaime should start a youtube channel. Since we began it at the end of 2019, it’s been a rollercoaster of emotions and lessons. I had to get over my initial doubts and comparing myself to other established channels. We went viral and it was unexpected and also even that wasn’t enough for me.
On the other side of it though, I do have a collection of personal and professional lessons I’ve learned from having a youtube channel. The value of a beginner’s mindset being one of them. Man, I wish I could stay in the excited, hopeful beginner place. I wish they bottled that mindset and sold it. It’s literally one of the keys to life in my opinion. I do have some other tips (mostly mindset with some resources) to starting a youtube channel.
What I’ve learned from our youtube channel is to show up consistently, be appreciative for the audience we have and never forget the value of the long game (your art works for you constantly once you put it out there).
But you want to know my biggest lesson as a creator in general? Perseverance. My entire life, the saying, “slow and steady wins the race” has followed me. My teachers, coaches and parents always told me that I’m determined. I was (and still am) the kind of person who will take slow, deliberate and consistent action towards something. That’s been my pattern since I was a kid. I forget this: I’ve gotten where I wanted to be every time by taking little actions consistently over time.
How about you? Have any projects you wanna share that were failures or success stories? Working on anything now and having these limiting stories coming up? I’d love to know in the comments below.
Ps. If you liked this post, you may like my memior, Embrace That Girl.
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