Our world looks like a lot of cozy nights in. Jaime and I have been cooking, having wine and planning all the ways we want to renovate and personalize our new home. So that’s life right now. Serious study regarding the nuances of white paint, the shading variations of a bold white versus a warm white, and the big debate: to shine or not to shine? 

Are we boring? Marriage is so far a blissful string of ordinary days and I’m welcoming the slow pace. Last year, our relationship was our only sense of normal. We were a true North Star in a year full of change. It seemed like every two months we questioned where to live, and while it was exciting at the beginning, it became tiring towards the end. I’m ready for settled. I’m ready for normal.

Saturdays have been reserved for waking up slow, me first, as always. I’ll spend the morning journaling and reading until I miss him enough to get him up, or the rare occasion when he sends me an unexpected text message from bed: you gunna come hug me or what? 

It’s sweet and I’m unapologetically enjoying it all.

Relationships are hard work.

Moments of turbulence come for all of us. I always try to live with this reality in mind, not to expect the worst or prepare for negativity, but to remember our love most in those inevitable trying moments. During the good times, it’s easy to feel like we’ll never be that couple, and to be honest, we’ve had some really really good years. We haven’t had a rough patch since the very beginning of us being together, when we went through some tough growing pains figuring who we were as a couple. It was hard and that’s why I don’t take these good times for granted.

I’ve always been more careful with our relationship, not because it’s fragile, it’s the strongest one I’ve ever had, but because I wanted to set a certain standard. I noticed in my past relationships, romantic and platonic, if I allowed or participated in certain bad behaviors, then from then on it was an accepted part of the relationship. It’s really hard to change a relationship once it’s been a certain way for years. So when ours was just a seedling, I tended to it with the utmost care. I was impeccable with my word in a way I had never been, setting the tone to always be intentional and respectful with our language. I was honest with him (at times uncomfortably and embarrassingly so), creating the space for always speaking our mind. And you know what? It worked. We weren’t perfect and we aren’t now, even in these days that feel purely blissful.

It’s not about being perfect.

And that’s a lesson i’m learning in a new way as I look at my life right now. On days I’m feeling hard on myself, which has been a lot lately since I have more free time to think, I’m reminded to come back to the basics: treat myself with all the care I give to our relationship… remembering that it’s never about perfection or reaching some ideal, but about giving as much love as I possibly can, freely and without expectation.

I’ve never given as much of myself to anything or anyone else without expecting something in return. That’s a strong statement, but it’s true. Not even with my own vocation am I as generous with my care and attention. Deep down, I expect writing to give something back to me. Somehow along the way I learned what so many of us think is true, that there isn’t enough to go around. I may be feeling overly emotional (or clearer than I have been in a long while), but I’m coming back to love and compassion as the only approach to any of my problems. Love is a bottomless reserve. The more we give, the more we receive.

You get out of life what you put into it.

That’s my truth right now. When we don’t expect anything in return for our effort is usually when we get the deepest rewards.

Love + courage,

Cris