Break up season is coming, people. Every year as May and June’s edges peek into our iphone calendars, we know the tidal wave of singletons are coming.
I’ve been silently observing this phenomena since high school (there was no Facebook back then, truly the Wild West of our millennial era). And like clockwork, one-by-one the established couples around me, who had been booping noses and bumping uglies just weeks before, vanished. In their place were now the unmistakable signs of break-up season: Instagram profile pictures replaced, bios updated with empowering Beyoncé lyrics appearing in captions solidifying said person’s newly minted status as single… it leaves nothing much to the imagination: sh*t went down.
Like the mysteriously contagious nature of yawns, there is no scientific explanation for why this happens and spreads like wildfire during this time. Besides the obvious, of course: it’s a hell of a lot more pleasant to be single in the beachy summer months than it is to be curled up in your jammies eating the leftover holiday flan all by your lonesome.
In the spirit of the inevitable relationship armageddon upon us, I’ve taken the liberty to be of service and rank the best artsy places to break up with your boyfriend. Why artsy, you ask? Because Miami is cementing its status as a hipster haven of art and culture, and relationships (their own form of artistic expression) deserve the most sacred spaces to consecrate their ending.
Blue Starlite Miami Urban Drive-In Movie Theater
Kick off your final evening together in retro style. This romantic date includes your last supper as a couple in the comfort of his car. The drive-in plays a variety of movies, even oldies like Grease and Toy Story 3. On the bright side, after the ending to that trilogy, your breakup will be only the second-saddest thing to happen that night.
Wynwood Walls
A signature Miami spot filled with magnificent wall art. On the second Saturday of the month, it’s Art Walk, and the streets are filled with food trucks, gallery-goers and other soon-to-break-up couples.
Painting with a Twist
Because sometimes words just don’t do a good enough job… This DIY art class offers couples the option to each paint a canvas that can be combined into one. Also, it’s BYOB, so you can bring your own snacks and wine, the latter of which will make the ending to your evening easier.
Just the Funny Theater
I love you meets just kidding – I’ve been snap chatting other dudes! Here’s the best way to take a lighthearted approach to your breakup. Because who doesn’t appreciate some inappropriately-timed humor?
New World Symphony
Break up under the South Beach stars. This moonlit lawn is the perfect place to gather on a big blanket (with your own spirits and eats) and watch films or symphonies broadcasted against the stunning New World Symphony building. A true meeting of Miami culture and art, this a break up for the more sensitive hipster, who wants to let their not-so-significant other down gently.