Hey friends, happy November. I am currently sitting on my back porch, which is full of leaves that have fallen from the burgundy and mustard trees. Today’s post is about our contemplations as we get into the last two months of 2021. Consensus: the year isn’t over yet. Make it count.

So Halloween was quiet this year. No dressing up. No parties. No trick-or-treaters. We went on a walk in the Great Smoky Mountains with our dogs after spending a day finishing our baby’s dresser. In case you didn’t know, we’re expecting. Baby Greene Bean due March 2022!

 

 

What a weekend. First, let me just remind you in case you’re not a regular reader… 2021 has been rough. To quote my husband, “if 2021 was a person I’d punch him in the face.” I agree. It’s been so challenging for us. There’s the post-covidish life we’re all still contending with, for our day jobs that means short staffing and extra hours without compensation and don’t get me started on our journey trying to conceive (TTC).

 

2021 has been hard for us

 

Something I haven’t shared as a source of pressure is our new dog, Mia. We adopted her from a young couple who told us they could not give her the care she needed… then promptly adopted another dog months after offloading this one. To say Mia is difficult is putting it lightly. She requires SO much attention, attention we were not ready to give. I kick myself of taking her in, honestly, because we didn’t ask enough questions about her.

However, unlike her previous owners, we have a sense of not giving up on her. This has been much harder for me than Jaime. I don’t feel bonded to her. I’m having such a hard time connecting to her, so her presence feels like I’m dog sitting a needy dog. I am lacking the compassion and patience a headstrong animal requires. It’s been hard. Actually, it feels shitty to even share this, but I’m being 100% authentic. She is a sweet dog. Not an ounce of violence in her. I trust her with my eyes closed with any children. So she has the potential if only she can learn.

We’ve decided to keep at it with some new adjustments that have improved the situation for sure, but for me, the lack of connection is hard. There is no training change or tactical way to forge a connection that simply isn’t there. Part of me hopes it’s the pregnancy and once I give birth, this feeling will lift over me like a fog. But I can’t totally be sure. Anyone ever been in the same position? I’m open to advice.

This has been the first real issue we’ve faced as a couple where we’re not aligned. We’ve been through a lot since moving to North Carolina, really trying situations, but we were always on the same page. This dog has definitely brought a new opportunity for us to grow in times where we do not feel the same way. Typically, Jaime and I are on the same page. We get along really well and it’s easy to see each other’s perspectives. So this has been a BIG test for us. Not great timing considering the mounting pressure we’ve both been under this year.

 

 

The year isn’t over yet…

 

We hadn’t gone on a walk together in a long time. Five months to be exact (maybe more, but I’m in my fifth month of pregnancy, so at least that long). To simply be able to disconnect from the dings on our phone, which signify all the responsibilities that overwhelm us, was… a breath of fresh air. Literally! We kept taking these deep breaths, stretching our arms hugging… life? Yes, hugging the Smokies and their special air, which smelled sweet and crisp.

 

 

We stretched our arms out while walking, blood pumping, legs moving in that forward motion we so wish we felt more of in our day-to-day life. We were grateful to be here, right now, in this part of the world we chose to be in. I felt wide open, ready for new possibilities, ready for a BIG shift. And it felt possible… which almost made me want to cry. Because so much of the dark, heavy, restrictive feeling this year has felt like our dreams aren’t possible. Like the things we want are just out of our reach.

I share Jaime’s perspective on 2021. Truly, I’d punch it too. And deep down I know that’s not the most powerful place to live my life from. A long time ago, in a training room far away, I was introduced to the idea that I am creating everything in my life. Literally. I am choosing it all. It was a super uncomfortable idea and my ego rebelled against it. I couldn’t possibly have chosen my parents. I can’t choose what my boss is doing to make a miserable, toxic work environment. What do you mean I’m CHOOSING it all? So, this is my fault is what you’re saying?!

 

You are the author of your life… at all moments.

 

Yup. Ultimately, I expanded my perception and tried that mindset on. It was the best experiment I ever did. And it’s amazing how much power I had from the perspective that everything is my choice. Even my parents! Whether or not it’s true, it’s without a doubt the most powerful place any of us can live our lives from. And we don’t really know what’s true, do we? We make up a lot of stuff and collectively accept it as fact.

If I am choosing it all, I’ve done it for a reason. There’s value and I can change my participation at any time.

Also, every moment is NEW. A day isn’t “lost” because I had a hard hour. A year isn’t lost because I’ve had some hard months. I get to remember that. I so often toss out entire WEEKS because Monday was a so-so day.

So, friends, if you’re in a similar predicament, I hear you. If 2021 hasn’t been all the roses you hoped it would be after 2020, THE YEAR’S NOT OVER YET. I highly suggest some self care and taking a walk (even if you don’t feel like it). Leave your phone behind and be present to the forward motion of your legs.

May the rest of this year be an incredible close to 2021 for all of us. I’ll certainly keep you posted. We’ve got some REALLY exciting things to look forward to, like our co-ed baby party (in place of baby shower), a trip to Key West, the holidays in our sleepy little Hallmark town… the year isn’t over yet. Not by a lot.

Let’s make it count. Xoxo,

c.

 

Ps. If you liked this post, you may like my memior, Embrace That Girl.

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